..toenails...

..so about ten o'clock last night, the old muppet lady that lives with me had to have her toenails clipped....like they had grown so long in the last week or so...
..I'm sorry, did you need that toe attached to the nail, you see, if I take the whole damn toe off, no more nail growth.....for that matter, how about I take the whole foot off.....right at the ankle...you'd probably walk the same.....did I say it was ten o'clock at night??!! Go To Sleep Already!! Around four-thirty AM she was still messing with those damn things, like walking around in toenail clippings and dried heel skin for six and a half hours is my idea of a good time... "Come here Cujo, see Mama!" Not till you wash your hands woman, I know I lick myself clean, but toe juice is gross!!! Yeck!

...too bad you had to work..

Dear Tumor Boy and TQ-1:

I am so sorry you had to work today, as you can see, I just received the Stirling syrup order you placed last Monday...they make great smoothies!!! I am excited about trying out my new flavor on you guys...it's a little yellow and still too salty. I think if I cut back on my cat turds rolled in litter, it may be just right...

www.flickr.com

adios,

...the Kitty Cannon...

...coming up with a way to put Fleetwood out of her misery is harder than I first anticipated...this is as close as I can get...

...for fluffy..

..I've decided to kill one of my roommates...the fluffy, grey one they call Fleetwood!!!

...due to "Hate" mail....

...after posting the letter to Blockbuster last night I awoke to protestors....I had to hire a bodyguard in order to leave my house and this was the best I could do after paying my online rental fee for the trash they call drama.....I still want my money back...

...bad, gay, male, Spanish porn..

Dear Blockbuster:

My name is Cujo and I have only recently started renting movies using your online service. While the price is right, the description service you use is a little misleading and I was suckered into renting what I thought was a drama/thriller.....I just finished watching Bad Education and I'm still trying to take a leak....I shriveled up so bad, I thought I'd been swimming in a cold pool all day....while watching a guy lick his fingers and lube up, only to take advantage of another guy,Bronco style, may be considered thrilling to some, to me it's just plain scary.....and it didn't stop there. I now know how to do things with men and boys that I didn't know was legal outside the Neverland Ranch....(go Jacko!!)

...anyway, thanks for the nightmares.....
..I want my money back!!!

Sincerely,

...the Jacket..

...didn't have much going on today, so I stayed up really late last night and watched the Jacket. I must say, pretty damn good...if you haven't seen it....why?? Adrian Brody is probably one of the best character actors on screen right now and the scenes in which he loses it are great... Kris Kristofferson is just plain fun and anything getting locked in a giant meat drawer is sure to arouse feelings of claustrophobia in even the strongest humans...

..I've been having a problem with one of my roommates as well this past week...she still has all her plumbing and that makes her go into heat every two weeks or so....that parts not so bad, but the constant, "Sniff my butt Cujo....doesn't it smell so good?" attitude is wearing my last nerve...I'm thinking about accidentally letting her get outside and seeing what the fuss is all about (LOL!!). Or better yet, maybe I'll take her for a "doggie" ride myself....."excuse me miss".....BAM!! "Don't call me, I'll call you"....

Better think twice about that one 'cause, once you go cat....
..You'll always want that...

-adios

Genesis (...on a stick)

...this is why I don't like Sunday's!!  Let there be light...I can't even reach a light switch!  Let there be food, on a plate, with an Olive Oil spritz...I command it!!!

...the forbidden dance of love..

Everyday I get messed with, so why should Saturday be any different??...what am I? A friggin' doll?! Take today for example...the old woman that lives with me awoke me from my much needed nap..and then what does she do?? Makes me do the Lambada...proclaiming to everyone, "Look Cujos a little dancer!!" Gag!! What do I look like, a Twizzler....I do not belly dance. Later, I'm walking though the house and people are throwing this little lion at me, expecting me to freak out and do tricks for it. It's a stuffed animal...get a grip people....

I got some tricks for ya'... I will make you humans into my puppets!

...Saturday's suck, but they're better than Sunday's...

T.G.I.F.

..today was so boring...

..the only thing I hate worse than "hump day" is the day after...yeah, that's right, Thursday's suck!!! "Awe, look at Cujo, he's pooping on the potty pad!!!" Can't a guy take a dump without an audience?? You shut the door, run the water, light a match, spritz the air.....on that's right, you don't want anyone to know your pooping....but, look at Cujo....he's pooping.....how embarassing. Maybe next time I'll go in your shoe, bet you won't think it's so cute then....

....Thursdays suck...

...hump day sucks!!!

..it really does...there's nothing worse than the middle of the damn week. First, I wake up all excited (if you know what I mean) and all I can do is drag it around on the ground....bunch of little kids laughing and pointing...thinking I'm doing some kind of dog trick. "Do it again Cujo! You're such a good boy....come here boy!!!"

Yeah, I'll come here alright....I want to hump your leg!!! That's a dog trick the folks will never forget...

..anyways, I hate hump day.....it sucks...

Hello!

Welcome...Yes welcome all to Cujos Corndog. I am a long haired Chihuahua. I have stunning eyes...a smooth coat....and I'm SEXY.....yes...very...Ahem...but anyway... I have a plan to destory the world....yes... I will rule... This is my online journal to keep ideas and such posted, and to talk about how a dogs life really is.